Being seen and finding her voice

At 20 years old, Arraya has lived through more trauma than most people face in a lifetime.

Arraya was born in Oklahoma to a mother who abandoned her as a newborn. Her father abused her. By the time Arraya was 12 years old, her dad had married and divorced six times. They moved to North Dakota when she was in seventh grade.

“By that time, I had had enough of the abuse and couldn’t take it anymore,” Arraya said. “My dad was either going to run me into the ground or kill me, and I decided I had to escape. I ran away, confided with some people in my neighborhood, and eventually ended up in the foster care system.”

While she says it was fear more than bravery, Arraya’s strength and resilience were already evident in the actions she took to save herself.

“I was angry and upset there was no one there to protect me, so I took it into my own hands,” she said.

Throughout her teens, Arraya lived in seven foster homes and a few residential facilities. One of those facilities was the Ranch, and she says it saved her.

“Without the Ranch, I think I would be living on the streets,” Arraya said. “I definitely wouldn’t be going to college and living in my own apartment. I wouldn’t have the stability I have now.”

When Arraya came to the Ranch at age 15, she was angry, sad, lashing out, and trying to get attention in any way she could, positive or negative.

“Not having parents really hurts at that age,” she said. “I couldn’t go on home visits because I didn’t have a family to go to. I was struggling pretty hard and lashing out to make everyone else feel as horrible as me.”

Arraya wasn’t happy about being at the Ranch, and because she didn’t have parents to fight, she said Ranch staff took the brunt of her anger.

“I was just trying to make people see me because I had felt unseen for so long,” she said. “Staff at the Ranch gave me the support I needed and didn’t back away from my anger. They didn’t retaliate against me for it. They understood where the anger was coming from and even if I didn’t understand it, they never made me feel guilty for my emotions.”

At the Ranch, Arraya met Ranch therapist Christy Wilkie.

“The other kids talked about how much they loved Christy and how amazing she was. I wanted to be different and not follow the crowd, so I didn’t want to like her,” Arraya said. “The first time I met her, I said, ‘I’m not going to like you.’ Christy said, ‘That’s okay. I don’t know you, so I don’t like you yet either.'”

Christy’s honesty and directness helped to knock down some of Arraya’s walls, and they were able to connect.

“Instead of screaming into a void, I was now crying and screaming to somebody who could help me understand why I was so angry,” Arraya said. “I was rightfully angry, but I couldn’t let it go. I was giving it to all these people who didn’t deserve it.”

In treatment, Arraya learned that she is strong and resilient.

“Christy pulled me back from a very dark place, and she helped me find my voice,” she said. “She made me feel like a human being. Christy helped me find my power and my strength.”

“I’m like a bonsai tree,” Arraya said. “Bonsai trees are super fragile, but if you take care of them right, they’ll blossom and bloom and last for hundreds of years. Like a bonsai tree, I have to prune and pull off the damaged leaves and deadness so I can grow.”

When Arraya was 16, she had completed treatment at the Ranch and was living with a foster family. That foster family started having their own family struggles. To protect Arraya from additional trauma, her county caseworker moved her to a “temporary” respite home until they could find a long-term foster home.

“I was only supposed to be with them for a few days, but it just clicked. I didn’t want to let them go, and they didn’t want to let me go,” she said. “I started living with them when I was 16, and two weeks before I turned 18, my adoption was finalized.”

Her family recently moved to Nebraska, and she moved with them. She lives in an apartment just five minutes away from their home.

“I’m there almost every day, hanging out, watching movies, playing games, enjoying the holidays. You know, just doing what families do, all the things I didn’t have in my childhood,” Arraya said.

Arraya is now in college studying to be a social worker so she can help people like the Ranch helped her. Despite her growth and success, Arraya doesn’t pretend to have a perfect life.

“I still struggle in my day-to-day life, and everything isn’t going to work out how I want,” she said. “But now my whole world is hope. I lived with fear every day—fear of not having parents, fear of not thriving, fear of not being wanted. I no longer have terror in my life. I am wanted, and I am thriving. It can only go up from here!”