My fork in the road

Forty-eight years after his stay at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, Mark French still recalls the lessons he learned and the people who impacted him.

“I was at a fork in the road,” Mark said. “What I learned at the Ranch helped me take a better path and, for the most part, make good choices. My time at the Ranch was the most profoundly impactful time in my young life.”

Mark arrived at the Ranch in 1976 after getting involved in petty vandalism and truancy and being what the court described as an “unruly child.”

“I was just a lost teen trying to function in the midst of some challenging times. My parents divorced when I was 11 years old, and I remember this feeling coming upon me that I was an outsider,” Mark said of being in a single-parent household in the 1970s.

“My friends all had two parents, I felt I was different. I started hanging with kids in similar situations, and trouble always seemed to find us. While I didn’t initiate the trouble, I participated and don’t excuse myself.”

“When I got into trouble, I knew it would hit my mother hard. I could see the pain on my mother’s face, and that always bothered me,” he said. “I also felt the embarrassment of bringing this into our house. My mother worked three jobs to make sure we had a roof over our heads and food on the table, and I was bringing this pain into her life.”

Mark said this was just the beginning of several tumultuous years where he had trouble in and out of school.

“My seventh and eighth grade [years] were absolutely horrible for my teachers, my mom, and myself. I was bullying other kids, acting out in class, trying to be the class clown, and doing whatever I could to grab the attention of my classmates at the expense of my teachers. I was called to the principal’s office over and over. The kept telling me I had to shape up, and all I could think of was getting out of that room so I could go hang with my buddies,” Mark said. “In reflection, I suppose I was doing it all to defer and deflect what I was feeling.”

Mark and his mom were called in front of the school board when he was in ninth grade. They gave him a stern slap on the wrist and told him he needed to change or face bigger consequences. A month later, he was back in front of the school board, and this time, they suspended him from school for a week.

His poor behaviors continued when he got back to school, and then his mother received a letter from the juvenile court system with a date and time she and Mark had to be at the courthouse for a meeting with the juvenile commissioner.

“By this time, I was already on probation for some of the petty stuff I was doing,” Mark said. “But now I was scared and ashamed. I vividly remember my mother and I standing on the marble floor in the basement of the courthouse, looking at a solid, huge, oak door. It was going through my mind that on the other side of that door were the people who controlled my fate.”

When Mark and his mother walked into the room, he was surprised by all the people in the room, including his probation officer, the superintendent of schools, a former music teacher, the junior high principal, and others.

“Phyllis Loftsgaard was the juvenile commissioner—I’ll never forget her name,” Mark said. “She invited us into the room, and they went around the table talking about what they had faced with me over the past few years and the things they had tried to help me get better. Phyllis looked me in the eye and said, ‘Mark, as you’ve heard, we’ve tried everything, and now you leave me no choice but to send you away. Hopefully, you will get the help you need. I am sending you to Dakota Boys Ranch in Minot, ND, for a period of no less than one year.'”

“The fear that overcame me in that moment was just intense,” Mark said. “In my mind, I was going to prison. I was never a fighter, and I was going to a place for kids who I imagined were mean and who would force me to fight and get into more trouble. I was terrified! The four-hour drive from Grafton to Minot was filled with anxiety and fear.”

Upon arrival, Mark and his mom were met outside of Challenge Cottage by warm and welcoming house parents. Then he walked into the cottage and saw three boys playing foosball.

“All I heard was, ‘Hey, do you play foosball? Come on, we need a fourth.’ My house parents gave my mom a tour and briefed her on what was happening, and I played foosball,” Mark said. “That was the best way for them to break the ice. They made me feel like I was accepted.”

Mark was slowly integrated into activities, school, and counseling and met people who would change his life.

“I remember so many faces and names,” Mark said. “Fabian was in charge of the ceramic shop. He helped me realize I loved to create, perhaps that’s why I’m a photographer today. The kitchen lady made me and every kid who walk through the doors feel valued. She always met us with a kind word, and you felt at home when she was present.”

Ranch staff structured lessons in such a way that Mark said even though they might not have stuck in the moment, they would certainly be valuable later in life.

“The Ranch taught me how to make good decisions in life, but I didn’t know it while I was living it,” Mark said. “There was one gentleman, Jack Krukenberg, who had the most profound impact on me, more than any other man in my life. He was a big man and had a voice that commanded attention but in a very calming way. He showed me, usually without saying a word, that you are going to make decisions in life and they are either going to work out well or they are going to have negative consequences. And typically, it’s the path that’s not so good that is going to be the easiest.”

Mark recalls learning one important lesson when the river was flooding and some homeowners near the Ranch needed help sandbagging. The call went out for volunteers, and not a single boy volunteered, including Mark.

“We were called out to the front of the main building, and the director at the time, Larry Knutson, didn’t say we had to help, but after he laid into us and expressed his displeasure, every one of us reconsidered and went. I’m so thankful for that because it exposed us to what service looked like. Seeing the appreciation on the faces of the homeowners was priceless,” he said. “When we got done, Larry told us he’d never been prouder of a group of kids. I can still see his face. It was the first time I felt a real sense of doing something good for others. It felt good.”

Mark acknowledges that he didn’t always choose the right path after his year at the Ranch. However, he believes his experiences helped him learn and grow from his mistakes and to keep trying to choose the better path.

After leaving the Ranch, it was difficult for Mark to transition back to school in his hometown of Grafton because he had burned so many bridges with his teachers.

“The Ranch reinforced the importance of education and while I had difficulties in a school when I returned home, I never lost sight of the importance of education,” Mark said. “This prompted me to join Job Corps where I completed my GED and learned a trade. While thankful for obtaining my GED, one of my biggest regrets is not walking across the stage with my Grafton Class of 1979 classmates.”

Having a GED opened the door for Mark to join the United States Air Force where he served from 1981-1986. He was stationed in the United Kingdom for three years and in San Antonio, TX, for one year. After the military, he returned to North Dakota where he held a variety of jobs. He married, had a daughter, and began a successful 18-year career at Cargill. After working several years as an operations technician, Mark’s manager invited him to attend a Dale Carnegie communications course which opened new opportunities. Mark said it was by far the best training he’s ever received.

When he retired from Cargill in 2018, Mark had served in a variety of supervisory and management roles. His last role was working as a Performance Coach helping other Cargill employees identify their leadership styles and prepare for greater roles in the company. He also found joy in sharing his insights with others by way of public speaking engagements. Mark said his most notable speaking engagement was speaking to business students at Iowa State University on the value of creating win-win opportunities while completing internships and co-ops. He hopes to one day speak in person at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch to share his experiences and perhaps encourage positive change.

Mark, who now lives in Grafton he moved in 2021 to be closer to his aging mother, would like the kids at the Ranch to know that their time there can positively impact them for the rest of their lives.

“You might not understand the value of what is happening in your life right now,” Mark said, “but I guarantee down the road, you are going to look back and see the impact. Be grateful for this gift!”