No Decisions Day

Joy Ryan, President/CEO

Deaconess Kelly Bristow, Spiritual Life Coordinator on our Minot Campus, explains our need to feel loved in this way, “Feeling loved is one of our primary human emotional needs. Along with feeling loved comes our need for security, self-worth, and significance. The need for significance is the emotional force behind much of our behavior. Thereby, if we don’t feel like our lives are significant, we are more apt to act out in negative ways.”

My husband and I have been married for a long time, and I know he loves me. One of the ways he shows his love is through his actions on Mother’s Day. For the last several years, Mother’s Day at our house, by my request, is a “No Decisions Day.” Most days, I make a lot of decisions, both at work and at home. On Mother’s Day, he makes sure I am off the hook. I have to decide nothing and let the day happen around me. It is delightful. I know it wouldn’t work for everyone, but it truly makes me feel loved, secure, and that I have worth and am significant to him.

At Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, we work hard to understand the precious children who come to us, often feeling unloved. We use Gary Chapman’s “Five Love Languages” to help us connect with each child in a way that is true to them. Again, from Deaconess Kelly, “Our kids come from all different backgrounds and home lives. Even though some of our kids might come from truly loving families, it’s possible their family didn’t express love to them in their primary love language, or the way in which they feel the most loved. If this is true, they might still wonder if they are truly loved. It’s my hope that through learning our residents’ love languages, they might fully experience the love we have to give them. We can then share this helpful tip with their parents/caretakers.”

Through a carefully designed questionnaire, we identify if a child is most connected to Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, or Gifts. Of course, just like the rest of us, the kids can need a little bit of this, and a little bit of that, but a true preference is usually clear.

Surprisingly, they span the spectrum. For some, it is “Good job.” For others, a literal pat on the back. Still others relish a one-to-one game of Uno, or an “I’ll get that for you,” or a special stuffed “Warmie®” when they come into care.

We work to provide whatever they need to feel loved and valued as children of God.

And, on Mother’s Day, my husband must decide what is for dinner.

Please keep the children and staff of Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch in your prayers.