Sabotage

Joy Ryan, President/CEO

It’s called “sabotaging.” And, until you understand it, it can be a very discouraging part of working at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch.

Today, a 15-year-old boy named Ryder returned from the hospital to the Ranch. Staff took him in yesterday when he ingested the batteries from a TV remote in one swift motion. The batteries passed last night.

Ryder is doing really well. Except for the battery thing. Really.

Five months ago, Ryder came to the Ranch after his fourth suicide attempt in a year. He was profoundly depressed, scared, and very angry. He lived with his grandmother when he was an infant and toddler. Then she passed away. He never knew his biological parents—I am not sure whether they were dead or gone or incarcerated—but when Grandma died he ended up in the foster care system. He was almost adopted once, but the prospective parents changed their minds. At some point, he was sexually abused. He suffers from several mental health issues, including Reactive Attachment Disorder.

As a form of regaining control, he started self-harming and then considering and attempting suicide.

The first couple of months at the Ranch, Ryder was a handful. He was aggressive to others and himself. When there were others around, he would lash out at them, particularly females. If he was alone with staff, he would often try head banging (which staff would interrupt with bumper pads). He was looking for some way to bring his life under his own control.

Staff from every aspect of care started to teach Ryder other ways to be in control. He learned coping strategies and wellness tools and spiritual skills that helped him control his reactions. He found success in school and made friends with peers. He attended chapel. He asked lots of questions. He started a weight-lifting program that gave him deep muscle movement. He had the medication support he needed. He was doing well enough to be permitted to use the TV remote.

A foster family was identified and several home visits were successfully completed. A discharge date was chosen.

And then Ryder swallowed the batteries. Sabotage.

Not all acts of sabotage by kids at the end of treatment are as dramatic as swallowing batteries. Most are anger flare-ups, or punching walls, things like that. But it is not uncommon for a child who is truly ready to leave the Ranch to “backslide.”

It is understandable.

This may have been the first place where they felt good about themselves. They know what to expect and what is expected of them. They get encouragement and respect. They try to find a way to stay.

It can be terrifying to leave for another unknown life situation. So, we help them understand the “why” of their sabotage attempts. We help them identify what they are most concerned about and discuss it with the family they are going to, whether it is “back home” or to a “new home.” We tell them, again, about all the supports available for them when they leave. We remind them that they probably never wanted to be here in the first place.

And, they go on to continue in their journey to find and become their best selves.

Ryder will discharge in a couple weeks. He and his new family are hopeful that the skills he learned at the Ranch will help him cope when life gets hard or when things are going “too well.” Please keep him and all the children and staff at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch in your prayers.