“Walk a mile in his moccasins,” is a quote attributed to various Native American writers or tribes. However, it comes from a beautiful poem written by Mary T. Lathrap in 1895. The original title was “Judge Softly.” It’s a very long poem, but the first stanza is: “Pray, don’t find fault with the man that limps, Or stumbles along the road. Unless you have worn the moccasins he wears, Or stumbled beneath the same load.”…
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“Shadow is dead.” I looked up and there was a 13-year-old girl standing in my office doorway. It was obvious that we were in the middle of a conversation I didn’t know we were having. I had to catch up. “I’m sorry. Who is Shadow?” I said as my mind was searching through cartoon characters, book characters, etc……
I loved "Gulliver’s Travels" when I was little. More accurately, I loved the illustrations. The tiny little people crawling all over Gulliver just delighted me. In the book, the author, Jonathan Swift, tells of a man who finds himself in strange lands—sometimes towering over those around him, other times feeling impossibly small. Gulliver was trying to figure out the rules for each new situation.…
Each of us operates, at least with our first thoughts, within our own frame of reference. We interpret what we see and hear based on our experience, learning, values, and rationale. As we mature and learn more about the world and other perspectives, we create the ability to think beyond that initial reference point. My daughter, her husband, and their two children were driving to the park. From the back seat, their three-year-old asked, “Mommy, is that an obstacle course?” My daughter looked out the window. It was a cemetery.…
I didn’t want to be an astronaut. I grew up when almost every other child wanted to be an astronaut. We watched the first moon landing live on television. People were zipping around the Earth. I had a dog named Sputnik. But being an astronaut wasn’t on my dream list—The Apollo modules looked pretty tiny, and they fell into the ocean when they came back to earth. I don't like tight spaces and am not a good swimmer, so it didn't interest me!…
Chaplain Rick Jones is one of God’s great gifts to Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch. Chaplain Rick came here as a vicar while in seminary and then was called to the Ranch right after completing his studies. Being a Chaplain in a Youth Residential Treatment Facility is a very special calling. It means ministering to children who may not have heard of Christ. It also means ministering to staff who, like him, are called to work with some of the world’s most vulnerable. It means teaching other called church workers about trauma-sensitive mercy care. He is really good at his, and His, work.…
Mikaelah is a lovely, kind, young professional who works on the Information Technology Team of Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch. I am delighted when we have a chance to talk. She is quick to fix my computer, which is good, but, like all humans, she is so much more than what she can do. She is a deep thinker and spends time pondering what’s truly important.…
Dr. Louis Cozolino is a well-respected American psychologist with a list of degrees longer than my arm. The State University of New York, Harvard University, and UCLA all count him among their alumni. He is a professor at Pepperdine, a profile writer, and YouTube creator, and he runs a clinical and consulting practice. It is always reassuring to me when I share the perspective of a "big brain" person like Dr. Cozolino.…
When I was a child, I was… “fluffy,” “chunky,” “plump,” or “hefty.” Whatever word you use, I carried more than my optimum weight. Food was, and still is, a big part of family life. For my mom, cooking was a way of showing love. Eating her food was my way of showing love back.…
I am wearing pajamas at work today. When I became a CEO, that was not a sentence I ever thought I would write. They are very “appropriate” pajamas for work…if that is possible. Basically, they are fuzzy pink sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a fuzzy “bedjacket” my sister gave me. Still, I think it is quite reasonable to ask me, “Why?”…
In an earlier email, I wrote about sitting with Alice, a young girl at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, while trying to draw a bunny. I shared how, as she worked on her bunny and some artwork for her bedroom door, she talked about her life, including “the guy” who had sexually abused her.…
A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were walking on a sidewalk that ran along a beachfront. We came across a stretch where roses were climbing their way up and over a fence. A middle-aged woman in a rain jacket was leaning on the fence and smelling a rose.…
When I was a child, Vacation Bible Experience (VBX) wasn't a thing in my hometown. Now I see placards and signs near every church I drive by, inviting children to spend a week with Jesus. We have VBX at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, too. For one week during the summer, our Spiritual Life Team, led by Chaplain Rick Jones, creates a themed environment where the children learn about Him, the Word, and all the important things —like love, compassion, mercy, kindness, and faith. Our kids are not required to attend, but most do.…
My husband and I were standing in line as we waited for the doors to a theater event to open. There was a woman of about my age in the line in front of us. As we stood there, a couple scooted around the edge of the line and nestled themselves into position about 20 feet ahead of us. It was obvious they weren’t joining anyone else. They just had chutzpah.…
“I’m not ready for that yet. I need to get a little stronger.” A 12-year-old girl said that to me, as we were visiting one day about the work she was doing in treatment at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch. She had mentioned, as she was coloring, that she didn’t feel comfortable yet with male staff around… “because, you know, of sex stuff, abuse, I went through when I was little.”…
We count everything at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch. Almost. We are a psychiatric medical facility, high-performing school, charity, retail thrift store operation, and outpatient clinic. There are lots of things to count. So, when we pull together metrics for reporting, accreditation, board meetings, licensing, and audits, we have many to choose from.…
My mom and dad were farmers. My dad also had a creative side. He had the most amazing handwriting with flourishes and curls. He was an expert woodworker and a lovely storyteller. Spelling was not his forte, so he approached that, too, with great creativity. My mom was an exceptional cook, and loved the precision of following a recipe. She was a good farmer. She was great at math, spelling, and memorization. I remember her learning the capitals of countries in Africa along with me. She was not fiercely creative.…
Medical and psychiatric care is ongoing for children at the Ranch. So is education. In the summer, education at Dakota Memorial School, our on-site school, takes on a different structure. Part of the day is spent in SPARKS. SPARKS is run by our wellness team. These activities focus on life skills, extracurricular opportunities, social skills, and physical health. In short, it teaches children to play and work in healthy ways.…
My parents were children during the Great Depression of the 1930s. Like most people who grew up in those grueling times, they learned to save everything. I grew up washing bread bags (when we had the rare store-bought bread), folding tin foil, saving soap bar shreds to use for laundry… all of those things.…
A while back, I was having trouble sleeping. It went on for several nights. Anyone who lasts in a trauma-focused work environment will tell you that you need to implement personal protective measures to keep yourself healthy. The stories and pain you see and hear, whether at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, a hospital Emergency Room, a homeless shelter, or the bedside of a hospice patient, can eat at your faith in God and humanity.…
I am ignorant about a lot of things. Please don’t read that wrong. To me, “ignorant” means that I lack knowledge or information about particular subjects. I still find television somewhat mystical. When I was little, I thought that if we cut the cable that ran from the antenna to the TV, we would see a little tiny version of the television picture in the cut end coming from the antenna.…
I miss my mother-in-law… especially on the Fourth of July. When she passed away last year, she was well into her 90s. She did not lead an easy life, but she decided to lead a happy one.…
I know I write a lot about the complexity of the lives of the children who come to Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch. The stories are all true. These kids have endured so much. Sometimes, the simplicity of their needs is heartbreaking.…
I'm usually pretty good at focusing, but this week I found myself pausing my work to see what all the oohing and ahhing outside my office door was about. We had just received two boxes of handmade quilts from friends in Arizona, and they were being unpacked. The folks from surrounding offices were holding them up and admiring them. In addition to the beautiful quilting, they had a lot of precise appliqué work, which gave several of them themes. Butterflies, Mario Cart, Harry Potter, Cats… one prettier than the next.…
I think it is important to occasionally give you a look “behind the curtain.” How do we talk to each other at the Ranch? How do we get work done? How do we really feel about working with the kids? Sure, I tell you all the time they are precious and complicated. But, is that the way we talk about them when we are just talking to each other?…