Bullying is a soul-stealing, lower than a snake’s belly, painful, demeaning thing to endure.
Contrary to some long-debunked sayings, it does not “toughen you up,” “make you stand up for yourself,” or “teach you about the real world.” Rather, it either begets more bullying as the victim looks to find someone weaker and more tender than them, or it results in depression, self-loathing, and suicidal thoughts.
Nearly every child who comes to Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch has been bullied. The results are predictable. They either learned to bully, or their spirits were crushed. Either way, the soul-stealing was real. Let’s be clear, bullies are not winners… in any way.
Each October is World Bullying Prevention Month and we participate fully. During the week surrounding National Stop Bullying Day (October 9 this year), we put great emphasis on teaching children about empathy, the impact of cruelty, and how to try to “lay our hearts on other’s feelings.”
As part of that effort, we ask the children to sign a poster pledging they will be against bullying, choose not to bully, and be an ally for others who are bullied. Most of the children sign it. It doesn’t magically change their behaviors, but it does bring attention to the issue.
This year, I was standing next to Shea Durham, our Coordinator of Student Services, while the children were lining up to sign the pledge. We noticed one of the girls at the first table (I will call her Amie) had decided to not sign it. She is very smart and a leader. She has survived awful stuff and presents herself as pretty tough. She also has a low opinion of herself and thinks of herself as a “bad” kid. I turned to Mr. Durham, and said, “Does that surprise you? I know she struggles, but I also know she stands up for others.”
He said, “Amie likes to think things through. I think she would handle it well if you went and encouraged her. It’s worth a try.”
So, I did, quietly. “Amie, I know you are working hard on coping skills and everything else. I’m surprised you aren’t signing. Are you sure you don’t want to?”
Quick as a whip she answered, “I’ll screw up right away. What’s the point in signing it? I’ll just goof up.”
“I signed it, and I am pretty sure I will goof up at some point,” I answered. “I have to stop and think about things when I am upset or when someone is bugging me. That’s what this does, it says we’ll stop and think. I believe you can do that. You are smart and I believe in you.”
“I am smart,” she shot back. “And I’m not going to sign. Go away, people are looking at us.”
“OK,” I said as I patted her shoulder and walked away.
Ten minutes later Mr. Durham came to my office with a photo on his smartphone. It was of Amie, signing the pledge.
Another one of Amie’s teachers sent me an email saying she was the last one to sign. The email ended, “Small wins.”
I’ll take it. One day at a time. One small win at a time. One child at a time.
Please keep our kids and staff in your prayers.
In His love,
Joy Ryan, President/CEO
Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch
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