Tre didn't have what most of us think of as a "normal" childhood. Instead, his childhood was complicated and convoluted and gave him a different perspective on how the world works.
Tre was three when his mom went to prison. Before serving her time, she took him to live with his grandmother in Michigan. He remembers seeing his mom again when he was 8 or 9, but then he was removed from his grandmother's home and lost all contact.
From his grandmother's home, Tre went to live with his dad who was unfortunately in a gang and living a life of crime. Tre was forced to deal drugs for his dad or get beaten. He was incarcerated for the first time at age 11.
"I've always been in the system... in and out of lockup, in and out of residential treatment. I remember my dad telling me if I didn't sell drugs for him, he'd beat me and tell my probation officer I got into a fight, so I'd have to go back to lockup or treatment. He also told me my mom died of a drug overdose."
When Tre was fifteen, he was facing several Class A felonies in Michigan and was known for assaultive behavior and running away. His dad wasn't showing up for his court dates, so in desperation, he called his grandmother from jail. She said someone wanted to talk to him and gave him a phone number.
"I didn't want anyone to know I was in jail, so I didn't want to call the number. My grandma finally told me it was my mom," Tre said. "My whole life I thought my mom was dead. I thought she went back to drugs and left me to die. And now here she was alive and wanting to help me."
Tre's mom took a bus from North Dakota to Michigan to show up at his trial and convinced the judge to release him into her custody. While Tre was thrilled his mom was showing up for him, he had a lot of ingrained patterns to overcome. After about a week with his mom, he ran away from home and spent a couple months living on the street.
When the authorities caught up with him, he went back into residential treatment and eventually landed at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch. The combination of knowing his mom was supporting him and would be there for him, and several Ranch staff who were able to reach him, set Tre on a different path.
"JT, my case manager, helped me a lot. He would always talk to me, calm me down, and help me realize that if I messed it up here, I would just have to go somewhere else. Being in Minot [at the Ranch] gave me a different outlook and opened my eyes."
JT helped Tre realize that he needed to get his act together before he turned 18, because then the consequences of his crimes would be much worse. Tre also built a strong connection with Brady, a Ranch Youth Care Worker.
"Whenever I had a blow up, I'd swing at the person closest to me. But Brady and I grew a bond where he knew if he stood in front of me, I wouldn't hit him. He could always tell when I was going to have a blow up, so he'd run over, stand in front of me, and talk me down. I just couldn't bring myself to hit him."
When Tre left the Ranch and moved back with his mom, he was assigned a Ranch Aftercare Specialist. Aftercare specialists are a relatively new position at the Ranch designed to help kids transition back to the community and find the resources they need to continue healing and growing.
Tre said he and his aftercare specialist, Shaina Vanyo, struggled some at first. "I was relapsing, and it took a while for us to get on the same track. But when my six-month period of aftercare was coming to a close, I started getting sober again and I knew I needed her support. I asked for a continuation of services and still see Shaina two or three times a week."
Tre and Shaina have worked hard to get him the support he needs to stay on the right track and make good decisions. She is arranging for him to have a mentor and connecting him to other resources in the community for trauma therapy and anger management. Tre recently turned 18, so Shaina has been helping him get an ID, finish his GED, find accessible medical care, and get him the prescriptions he needs.
Shaina has learned so much from Tre about the effects of trauma. "Sitting with him and hearing how trauma has affected him day-to-day has been really eye-opening. You learn about it, but to really see it has been very helpful to me."
"Tre is so resilient," Shaina said. "He has been through so much and is fighting so hard to take a different path. I hope he can hold onto the different ideas and mindsets and skills he is learning—that he can hold onto the things that are motivating him, like being sober. He is meeting other people who have been through what he has been through, and they are making a life and doing something positive with their sobriety. That's what I want for him.
While Tre has enjoyed getting to know his mom and is thrilled to have her back in his life, he is ready to get his own apartment and start living his adult life.
"I know I'm not ready to hit the world completely on my own, but I've matured a lot. All my life I was taught that if you want something, you go get it. If you don't have the money, you steal it. Shaina has helped me jump over to a different side of the fence."
"When I started on all of this I was overwhelmed. I pretty much missed three years of my life and I was trying to get everything done at once. I was so worried about getting my ID and social security card, how to finish my GED, do my aftercare, just everything. I'm learning that I can't fit a whole week's worth of stuff into one day. Shaina is helping me tackle it one step at a time."
"And now I have the first legitimate job I've ever had, and my mom is very proud of me. I'm not perfect and I still have stuff to work on, but I'm doing pretty well."
This article was originally published in Ranch Voice: Summer 2021.
Read more stories like this and explore other issues of Ranch Voice here.