Happy Thanksgiving!
Now, to shake things up… and no, I’m not going to share a new green bean casserole recipe, I want to tell you about the children at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch. They are not always grateful.
Objectively and practically, it makes sense that the children who come to the Ranch would be just glistening with thanks. This is a pretty nice place. Every child has their own bedroom. We make sure they have clothes and hygiene products. All their meals are nutritious, yummy, and served reliably on time every day. There are snacks and sports and a good school and chapel. Our therapists and teachers and doctors are really smart and care. The kids are listened to and treated with respect.
For most of the children, for whom none of these things have been a “sure thing” much of their lives, it seems like a pretty good deal.
Yet, they are not thankful. They are angry and resistant and scared and aggressive. Huh.
To understand, let’s go back to the mantra I have written about before regarding children who have experienced trauma. “Don’t ask what’s wrong with the child, ask what happened to the child.”
These children have experienced pain and abuse and neglect and trauma and indifference from the people who were supposed to love and protect them. When they placed their trust in someone, it was often turned and used against them for the other’s benefit. They survived by pushing people away. They survived by blocking others out. They survived by learning not to trust.
Now, they are asked to accept all these good things. They are waiting for the “quid pro quo.” They are “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” When will it be turned against them? When will they be used, or ridiculed, or abandoned once again?
Grateful? Ha. For what? So that you too can hurt me?
It takes incredible patience and consistency and kindness and training to earn the trust of a young victim of trauma. Only then do the “creature comforts” that are provided seem less suspicious, more acceptable.
It can take time and perspective for a person to develop enough confidence to be grateful. A young man who had been at the Ranch in the 90s recently came back for a tour.
“I never thought I’d say this," he said, "but I am so grateful for this place. I don’t know where I’d be without the Ranch.”
To you, dear friend, I am grateful every day. Without you, your support, and your prayers, Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch would not be here. With you, each precious child has a chance to trust, heal, and thrive… to find and become their best selves… to be grateful.
God bless you and yours. I hope you enjoy your green bean casserole.
In His love,
Joy Ryan, President/CEO
Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch
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