At 18 years old, Jules is living with a good family, on track to graduate from high school, and hopeful about her future. But, while she is in a good place in her life now, the road has been difficult. During most of Jules' childhood, her mom was an active alcoholic and married to a man who also drank and was physically violent.
"Sometimes we'd find ourselves leaving the house at like five in the morning to go to my uncle's house. We'd stay there for a while, but that wasn't very good either because he was also an alcoholic," Jules said. "My mom never had a stable job. She often used her money on drinking to the point where we wouldn't have food to eat."
She recalls nights when she was seven or eight years old when she'd wait all night for her mom to come home from barhopping.
"I used to cry that I wanted my mom back and I wanted to be in a happy, sober family," Jules said. "My mom and my uncle are both sober now, but they missed out on a good portion of my life, especially my mom. She was gone for so much of my life, especially my teenage years when I feel like a child really needs a parent."
In 2017, her mom left, and Jules went to live with her aunt.
"That's when I started realizing my life for what it was and understanding that I grew up in a toxic household," Jules said. "My mom and uncle had tried to get me to drink with them when I was in elementary school, but it wasn't really my thing. But, as a teenager living with my aunt, I started getting into drugs and just overall bad behavior — not doing well in school and lying a lot."
When Jules and her aunt's relationship reached the breaking point, she was placed in foster care, eventually making her way to Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch.
"One of the things I learned at the Ranch is that I'm a lot smarter than I like to think I am," Jules said. "And I learned a lot from the groups. I can't really describe what they were like, but we would just learn different things or talk about safety concerns. I feel like after a while your brain subconsciously picks up that information and ultimately keeps it."
"The Ranch was a place for me to recollect myself, reflect back on my childhood trauma, and realize that none of it was my fault. My mom and uncle were always telling me I was the problem. It took me years to realize I wasn't the problem — I was just a kid."
Jules said the Ranch was a place where she could feel safe, something she hadn't always felt growing up. And Ranch staff helped her believe in herself.
"The staff members play a huge role in adolescent lives," Jules said. "They helped me see the potential of my future."
Jules now meets weekly with Kaitlyn Schelske, a Youth and Family Engagement Specialist with the Ranch's Aftercare Program, which helps kids transition back into the community after being at the Ranch.
At age 18, Jules signed herself back into the foster care program and is living with a foster family, who is planning to adopt her, while she finishes high school.
Kaitlyn said, "Jules is working so hard on accomplishing her education goals and just got her dream job at Ulta. She is attending a virtual school academy to get the final credits she needs to walk for graduation and is so excited to attend the prom and walk with her friends to get her diploma."
Jules doesn't know what comes next. She thought she wanted to go to cosmetology school but now isn't so sure. For a while, she thought she might want to work at the Ranch and pursue a helping career. She is still figuring it all out and hates when people ask her what she wants to do when she grows up.
"I'm like, can I graduate from high school first? I don't even know what I'm going to eat tonight, let alone what I'll be doing in ten years!"
But she does know she can choose her future path and that who she becomes does not have to be defined by her past.
She has a final thank you for the people who donate to Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch.
"I am grateful for whatever you can offer these kids, kids like me, who may have issues with themselves or issues in their family," Jules said. "Anything and everything you can donate is definitely for a good cause."
This article was originally published in Ranch Voice: Spring 2023.
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