Danny made quite an impression on me when I met him. I was just months into my time at the Ranch when I traveled from Fargo to Minot for our annual plant sale. I met him in the greenhouse where I was helping get ready for the sale. In addition to showing me what to do, he told me all about the process—germinating, watering, fertilizing, repotting, and more. When I asked about the dirt he was using, he very gently, but clearly, corrected me and explained the difference between dirt and soil.
The day of the sale, Danny was in constant motion—potting plants, carrying purchases to people's cars, bringing new plants from the greenhouses, and jumping in to do anything that was needed. Bopping around in his bright orange shirt and a huge smile on his face, Danny was a ray of sunshine to everyone he met.
When I visited with Danny this summer, nine years after we first met, he told me his story. —Tammy Noteboom
When Danny was two years old, his parents separated. He lived with his mom and spent summers and Christmases with his dad.
"We moved to Bismarck when I was seven years old because I had been molested," Danny said. "Looking back at it, I can see that this is where my lack of trust in people started. This person was a neighbor and my brother's friend."
Things took a turn for the worse when Danny was 11 or 12 years old.
"My mom had been doing drugs, but this is when the addiction really hit her," Danny said. "My brother and I saw the drugs. I found the dirty needles. People were coming in and out of the apartment 24/7. Eventually, they took over our room [for the drugs and drug paraphernalia] so my brother and I had to sleep in the living room where all the traffic was happening."
When Danny's mom was indicted on federal drug charges, he moved to Montana to lie with his dad and his then-wife.
"We had a honeymoon stage where everything was great," Danny said. "But then my dad's wife started treating me like crap. I wasn't even allowed to check out books from the library and couldn't do my homework because of all the tension in the house. My dad thought it was outrageous, but he was working 12—16-hour days and didn't have the energy at the end of the day to keep fighting with her."
When they moved back to North Dakota in 2013 and lived in a camper, Danny said it quickly got worse.
"They were constantly yelling. I was sleeping on the couch in the living room so I couldn't go to bed until she did. Most of the time she'd be up watching TV until 11 o'clock. One time she grounded me from watching TV, so I had to face the backside of the couch," Danny said. "She was manipulating and always made me seem like the bad person."
Danny started running away, sometimes daily.
"I was a very troubled youth," Danny said. "I tried to do good, but when you're always treated badly and you're grounded from everything, it's hard. [My dad's wife] grounded me from deodorant. Who gets grounded from deodorant?"
When Danny came to the Ranch, he knew he wanted to change and was ready to get help.
"If you truly want to change, the Ranch is a great place," Danny said. "It's a safe environment and no one judges you there."
Danny said Ranch staff didn't focus on his acting out behaviors or his past, but on his potential.
"The treatment work was really hard and personal. It was so tough because I didn't want to go back and relive all of that but writing it all down and talking about it helped me grow," Danny said. "My therapist, Boni, helped me identify thinking errors and triggers and develop coping skills. I took the work seriously and put a lot of time into it."
Danny appreciated the opportunities he had at the Ranch. He was able to focus on school and homework, and wrote a song titled, "Envious" when Grammy Award-winning songwriter, Monte Selby, spent a week at the Ranch. He also attended chapel and spiritual life group.
"I got closer to God while I was at the Ranch, he said. "He was someone I could turn to. When I didn't have anyone else, I could sit down and pray and feel like I had someone to talk to."
Danny was also proud of his work in the cottage and made strong connections with the cottage and school staff.
"We all helped out with the dining room and cottage chores, and not to be a bragger, but Miss Phyllis loved my cleaning," Danny said. "I really took pride in keeping the place clean."
"I got really close to Ms. Bartok and Mrs. Clementich. Honestly, Ms. Bartok was kind of like a grandma to me," Danny said. "She allowed me to get out of the cottage to help in the greenhouse. I hadn't done anything like that before, but I loved it. I was always the one to go in on Saturday to help repot plants or water them. One of the greenhouses had a corner with my name on it and all my favorite succulents."
While Danny freely admits he wasn't perfect while he was at the Ranch, he learned to accept the consequences of his actions.
"The Ranch really brought out the best in me," he said. "Now I'm a hard worker and very optimistic. The Ranch helped me become a happier person and accept the mistakes I made. The past doesn't have to define who we are, and we can grow from it."
Now age 25, Danny lives in Minot and works at Harley's Automotive. He loves his job and was recently promoted to General Maintenance Shift Supervisor. He is dating a woman he thinks is "the one." He visits his mom, who has been sober for 10 years, once a month or so. He talks to his dad nearly every day.
Danny enjoys taking his dog for walks, playing video games, listening to music, and going to concerts.
"I wouldn't ever change my time at the Ranch," Danny said. "I feel like if it weren't for the Ranch, I wouldn't have learned from my mistakes, and I'd probably be in prison. The Ranch gave me a second chance."
This article was originally published in Ranch Voice: Summer 2024.
Read more stories like this and explore other issues of Ranch Voice here.