I once had a really good boss who was a big believer in the lessons from “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” by Stephen Covey. He infused the seven habits into the workplace, some more successfully than others.
One of the habits is “Seek first to understand, then be understood.” It is just a reworking of the old axiom, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” No matter how you say it, it is so very true.
When children come to Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch they often have large files that come with them. The files show all the efforts made, by really smart people, to use their best knowledge to help the child. That is good and important.
However, sometimes what the files lack is the most telling. The information is not about the heart of the child. Many times, regardless of the thickness of the file, the child has not yet shared or even dared look at the trauma they have lived through. There may be lots of reports about what the child did in school, foster home, or bio home… but not what happened to the child before their behavior started.
So, at the Ranch, we really need to seek first to understand the child, to listen, to care about the child.
Jaden was a new child in our care. He refused to shower, wash his hair, or change his clothes. He became combative when asked to do anything hygiene-related, and it was obvious from his appearance and body odor that this was an ongoing challenge.
Shelly, a Residential Treatment Specialist on our Minot Campus, is a great example of seeking to understand and meeting each child where they are at. She sought to understand Jaden, and this is her report of the result.
“Hi, I just wanted to send out a quick email about Jaden and his struggles with hygiene. Thursday and Friday I have been able to get him to shower. He said he can't stand his face getting wet and not being able to see or hear if someone is walking in on him. I have found something that may help us. I offered Jaden the staff bathroom and I assisted him in washing and rinsing his hair in the sink. He then washed his face before taking a shower to wash his body. He also said having two doors between him and everyone else while knowing the staff is close helps him to finish hygiene. He also said step-by-step instructions keep him from getting overwhelmed.”
We still don’t know the story behind Jaden’s fears, although there are certainly some clues. It’s a major first step in understanding. Jaden isn’t oppositional, he’s scared. Shelly was able to overcome these fears by listening, and then finding answers that made sense to him. It’s a pretty big win.
Please keep our kids and staff in your prayers.
In His love,
Joy Ryan, President/CEO
Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch
Sign up today to receive ministry updates and stories about our precious kids directly to your inbox!