While children are at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, we work hard to connect them with the people who care about them. We can show them that Ranchers care and love them, but it has to go beyond that. It is important for a child healing from trauma to know they are seen, they are thought about, and that there are people in the world who want them to be here!
Sometimes those people are county case workers or child welfare advocates. Sometimes they are guardians or extended family members. Sometimes they are foster families. Sometimes they are siblings or adoptive parents. Sometimes they are grandparents. Sometimes they are biological parents. The very worst thing is when a child has no one, but that’s for another day.
Whoever those caring people might be, they are included. If they will be involved in the child’s care after treatment, we ask them to attend family therapy and Child/Family Team Meetings. We invite them to visit the child at the Ranch. Sometimes they go on day visits, where the child leaves campus with them for the day and returns in the evening. When the child is doing well in treatment, we try to arrange overnight or extended home stays so they can work on coping skills and support skills and new behaviors together with the people who care for them. Home stays help us identify what we might need to emphasize more in order for them to be safe and successful at home (old or new).
As you can imagine, most of the kids are excited to get to the overnight pass stage. It is hard when something gets in the way of a planned visit.
Today that happened. Jay, a young boy who has lived through much abuse, and his dad are working hard to heal from all they have endured. Jay's dad just recently learned about Jay and that he is Jay’s father. That’s big news, but Dad is stepping up! Knowing that, the message that came across my desk this morning made my heart seize up a little for both of them. The message came from a case manager about a visit planned for this weekend.
“In talking with Dad, we visited about how Jay is really struggling this week. Dad decided that to ensure Jay will be safe for the weekend, he will visit with him on a day pass, rather than take him home for the weekend. Dad will pick Jay up around 2 p.m. and he will return by 7:30 p.m.”
The day pass is good. It is a big step. Keeping your child in a place where they are safe is good parenting. But knowing that a child, because of all that was done to them, can’t trust themself in a loving home is sad. It is sad for Dad, Jay, and everyone who works with them.
I know Jay and his dad will get there. They are working together and in the same direction. We will continue providing treatment and therapy and wellness and spiritual life and school and family therapy and medication management and all the parts! Jay and his dad will spend days together and then nights, and then weekends and then, God willing, a lifetime.
I just wish it could have started this weekend.
Please keep our children and staff in your prayers.
In His love,
Joy Ryan, President/CEO
Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch
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