Eli is quiet and seems to be listening intently. Then he gets angry and lashes out, just when the person talking with him thinks things are going well. His anger seems unprovoked and unanticipated. Just a second ago he was a very engaged, calm, super cute 12-year-old. Then, in the blink of an eye, he is frustrated, hitting himself, calling himself dumb. Sometimes he strikes out at those around him.
Why?
As I’ve said before in these letters, at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch we never say, “What’s wrong with that child?” Trauma-informed care is based on the question, “What happened to that child?”
Eli’s adoptive family loves him and wants to do their best for him. But they don’t know his whole history, and neither does Eli. He was really little when he went into foster care because of the abuse and neglect in his home. It is obvious something has taught him that anger is an answer.
Psychological testing is one of the tools the treatment teams at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch use to better understand the precious children who are in our care. Caring psychometrists and psychologists take each child through assessments that clarify what’s going on in their thoughts and actions. A careful reading of the combined results can open a door to healing.
For Eli, the tests were revelatory.
“Eli's intellectual testing shows that he is quite bright and has the necessary skills and abilities to be successful in a variety of areas in life. Testing also shows that Eli’s processing speed is slightly slow, meaning it takes Eli a little longer than his peers to come up with the solution to a problem. However, when given the time to do so Eli has the ability to effectively evaluate a problem, and determine appropriate solutions.”
So, it takes Eli a little longer to “catch on” but he is really quite intelligent! If a child wants to understand, but perhaps was punished for not “getting it” quickly enough, or was ridiculed for being stupid, what can happen? The testing again provides insight.
“Eli has a negative self-image and self-perception. He tends to believe that things are simply easier for others and that others have a much clearer understanding of who they are and where they are going in life. Eli often negatively compares himself to his peers and simply “goes through the motions” of life. “
All that can make a child very frustrated and angry.
Now, Eli and his family and the treatment team can use this new perspective. They will work together to rebuild his understanding of himself and his gifts. He will learn new coping skills and to be patient with himself. His loved ones and teachers will work to give him the time he needs to process new information.
In time, with practice and now understanding, “What happened to this child?” Eli and his family will find success in the name of Christ.
Please keep our children and staff in your prayers.
In His love,
Joy Ryan, President/CEO
Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch
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